Wednesday, July 01, 2009


I spent this past weekend camping with my family (there’s nothing quite like camping in the rain with a toddler – but we’ll get to that another day.) If you’ve never been camping a big part of your trip is eating, sometimes it seems as if your whole trip revolves around the food. Well, all weekend long I had to listen to my SIL every single time she put something into her mouth. “I’m so fat” “I shouldn’t be eating this.” “I need to eat this [insert food here] like I need a whole in my head.” For the record my SIL is not fat – she’s a mother of two with a curvy figure who looks fantastic. She beat herself up over everything she ate. It was exhausting.

I went to lunch yesterday with a co-worker & had to listen to her do the same thing. Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do women beat themselves up constantly over their eating habits & their body shape? I have another friend who is a size 6 who just loves to tell me how she needs to loose 10 pounds – cuz her “back fat” is out of control. Seriously?! I’ve got bigger rolls under my chin!

I have my own issues with food (don’t we all). I used to have a very dangerous relationship with food. I was a serious binge eater – and probably would have become a bulimic had I been capable (I can’t make myself – I’ve tried.) Over the last few years I’ve done a lot of soul searching and developed a much healthier relationship with food and my body. I let go of the guilt. I eat what I want when I want & answer to no one for it. I’ve found that without the guilt I eat less. I even eat healthier – by not denying the bad foods I allow myself enjoy to “good” foods more often.

You all have seen pictures of me – I’m a big girl, but I’ve accepted my body and learned to focus on the positives – I have great legs, and cute feet, and an awesome rack. ;) Is my tummy a little pudgier than it should be – probably – does that define me as a person? Absolutely not. When I stopped letting food define me I became a much happier person.

I’m healthy and I’m active and I’d rather be fat than go through the mental torture I used to put myself through. Letting go of the guilt was one of the hardest things I have ever done. It took me years. I still have my moments of guilt/depression triggered eating – old habits are very hard to break. But I’m SO much better than I was. I can count my last binge in months instead of days.

I had a point… what was it…. I forget… oh yes, my SIL. So I spent the weekend with her & her guilt & her issues and it made me feel really shitty about myself (she is much smaller than me & if she’s fat then I’m the size of a house.) I hate that I let her make me feel like that. I hate that women do that to each other all the time without even realizing they’re doing it. Don’t even get me started on clothing stores & Hollywood. It’s ridiculous. I have clothes in my closet that range over 6 different sizes, but we’re not going there. My point is we’re all beautiful regardless of shape or size. And be careful when you criticize yourself – you may be hurting someone else in the process.

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