Knit n Things

I'm going to wind up spilling the beans on one of these secret projects - I know it. I'm just not that good about keeping my knitting a secret. I want to talk about it. It's why I started a blog - to TALK about my knitting. I should have stuck with my first plan and kept the blog a secret from all my friends - then I wouldn't have these problems.

Let this be a lesson to you. NO ONE is better than you – even when you’ve convinced yourself otherwise.

This weekend I went to a local dance club with my brother, his wife and their friends to celebrate Laurie’s birthday. Early in the evening I was chatting with Laurie’s sister when I noticed a cute boy across the bar. I pointed him out to Liz who agreed that he was rather good looking and she encouraged me to go talk to him. Immediately a flood of reasons why I couldn’t talk to him rushed into my head. I’m sure he won’t like me – I’m too fat; not pretty enough; too boring; he probably has a skinny, fabulous, rich, girlfriend; he probably makes lots of money & I’ll feel like a loser cuz I don’t; *insert other self-abusive comments here (there were lots). Basically it came down to I’m not good enough.

The night carries on and there’s lots of drinking, and dancing then I see the boy again. This time – before I could talk myself out of it – I walk up to him introduce myself and ask if I can buy him a beer (go me!) We get our beer and go out to the patio to chat. It was a disaster. I actually felt bad for the guy.

First off he was hammered. I have no objections to drinking and having a good time. I was rather buzzy myself – but when you start to slur your speech and can’t really focus on the person in front of you – it might be a bit much. The poor guy was so drunk that there was no brake between his brain and his mouth. He seemed to be pleased – shocked actually – that I was talking to him, I took that to mean he was interested. He started to tell me about himself – and well – if I were an interested guy I wouldn’t have told me any of this stuff – I’d have made stuff up.

He told me he’s 25 and lives with his mom. He works a dead-end job and can’t really afford to do much. He’s rather shy (which would be fine if not for the rest), has no social life. Most nights he stays home and drinks. This statement prodded me to ask if he had a problem with alcohol to which he replied, (rather proudly) “I think that I might.” It only got better after that. Luckily for me his inebriated state only allowed him to sit with me for about 10 minutes before he had to go “take a leak.”

I can’t believe that I spent even one second beating myself about talking to him. It makes me wonder how many other “winners” I didn’t talk to because “I wasn’t good enough.” I know I’m not the only woman out there that does this to herself. STOP IT! I am going to make my very best effort to NEVER do that to myself ever again. I have enough self-esteem and body images issues; piling them on because I’m afraid of rejection – from a boy that isn’t even worth the effort – is completely insane!

I’ve mentioned it before – boys make me stupid – and to abuse myself for one is about the dumbest thing I’ve ever done. I’m actually thankful to this guy. If not for his stellar qualities I may have never realized that I do this to myself. There’s enough negativity in life – I don’t need to take it from myself too.

A while back a well meaning friend says to me - I've got some stuff for you. Her cousin had passed and she brought me her yarn. While I appreciate the thought the chances of me ever using any of the yarn she brought were just about nil. I have several bags of yarn floating around my house that I acquired in a similar fashion. I also have yarn in my house from my grandmothers stash which came from the "5 & 10." That yarn is probably older than I am and has never been used. Chances that it will get used by me in the next twenty years? None.

My point? On the bottom of one of my newsletters the other day there was a letter from this woman who makes afghans for charities. She's made over 3,000 afghans for various charities. Three THOUSAND - that's a lot. I was astounded by this woman's generosity. She is my hero. I had to send her stuff. Dad brought me home a ginormous monstrosity of box. I really didn't think I'd be able to fill it up. But I did. Should keep her busy for a while. She's happy, I'm happy, and a lot of very lucky people will be happy.

My cousin took some pix of her purple sweater for me. Figured I thought I'd share it with you guys. In this one you can actually see the adorable buttons I spent so long picking out.

Several things have recently conspired to make me a bad blogger.

Number one: My job has become especially tedious of late and when I get home the thought of sitting at my desk makes me want to cry. I sit behind a desk all day and stare at the computer (sometimes I’m even doing actual work.) I’d rather be doing anything but sitting on my computer at home. Needless to say this post comes to you from the windowless basement (hell) that is my 9-5 home.

Bad blogger excuse #2: All my knitting right now is secret projects. Have you heard? Tisha is PREGNANT!!! I’m so excited! When she had her daughter I didn’t know how to knit. I crocheted her a blanket (which she loves and sleeps with every night) but it’s not the same as making cute baby sweaters and things. How am I supposed to talk about and show off my knitting when the giftees read the blog? The baby isn’t due until August but I’m so excited I’ve already started the knitting. Yea I know I need help.

Bad blogger excuse #3: This is actually a good thing. I’ve been hitting the gym a lot lately – yea me!! Finally getting my butt in gear to get back into shape. Rugby season is coming up soon and I’d like to be more comfortable running up and down the pitch (field) so I’ve been trying like hell to get myself motivated. So far so good, baby steps.

Speaking of Rugby – anybody in the central NJ area want to play? No experience necessary. It’s lot’s of fun... you know you want to. It’s wonderful stress buster and gets you into great physical shape. Besides I could use someone to knit with between games at the tournaments so the other ruggers don’t laugh at me.

In all the holiday madness I complete forgot to tell you about my not-so-sockret pal. She accidentally outted herself in a comment she made to my blog. I've gotta tell ya - I'm so glad she did! We've been chatting a lot more & I'm getting to know her through her blog too - way cool. Her name is Chrissy - she's a designer!

In her last package she sent me some outstanding Debbie Bliss yarn and a pattern. Turns out the pattern is her own and it's fabulous!! It's written well and it's easy to read and it's a quick easy knit to boot!! (I've already dropped a few not-so-subtle hits about other patterns she could spoil me with.) ;)

I got the package on the Thursday before Christmas. Decided I really wanted to try out the pattern Chrissy sent - so I cast on that Friday night. Mom got a pair of socks for Christmas - which she LOVED. Really great knit - and the yarn was a dream to work with! Really go there buy her stuff - it's fab!!